Attack of the MBTA Station Announcements

The new announcements on the Red Line indicating the arrival of the next train are great! First, they told me when the next Red Line train was arriving. Then, they told me when the next Red Line train was approaching AND arriving. Today, however, getting off the subway at Porter Square around 7:45pm the Robo-Announcer went nuts and attacked me with an onslaught of messages.

After exiting the train and walking to the stairs, Mr. Robo-Announcer told me:

Bing! We are currently experiencing delays due to a police investigation.

Well thanks, but I'm already at Porter Square. Then, walking up the stairs to the inbound level:

Bing! The next Red Line train to Braintree is now arriving.

Ok. Fair Enough. But then riding up the long escalator to the mezzanine I heard:

Bing! Hello. This is Andrew Ference of the Boston Bruins. When I need to get on the ice at the TD Banknorth Garden, I take the T. The MBTA is a great way to see all this wonderful city has to offer. Blah blah blah...

What?!?! As I tried to comprehend this I was interrupted:

Bing! Hello. This is Dan Grabouskas. Blah blah blah...

And now, I'm stuck on the escalator, and the onslaught begins:

Bing! Se habla espanol. Uno, dos, tres, .....

Sorry, I don't speak Span.....

Bing! The next Red Line train to Braintree is now arriving.

Well, that's nice....

Bing! Hello. This is Andrew Ference of the Boston Bruins....

Ok, who is this player again?

Bing! The next Red Line train to Alewife is now approaching.

Bing! Hello. This is Dan Grabouskas....

Bing! Yo Quiero Taco Bell...

Finally, I arrived at the mezzanine and I boarded the final escalator:

Bing! Hello. This is Andrew Ference of the Boston Bruins....

Please. Get me out of the station!!

Bing! The next Red Line train to Alewife is now arriving...

Whew! Finally out of the station. Talk about announcement overload! I think the most interesting part of this experience is that I'm not even sure my Porter Square co-commuters even heard the onslaught. While riding the 30 mile escalator to sunlight, I looked around at other folks, with a big smile -- I was trying to find someone else who thought this was funny. The trouble is, either everyone had their headphones cranked, wasn't paying attention to the announcements, or was just too afraid to look around.

Did anyone else experience this episode of the Twilight Zone at Porter Square?

Papelbon's Home Uncovered

After months of scouring the Intertubes and the night sky, I've finally discovered Jonathan Papelbon's homeland. I've highlighted it here in this map of the universe.

I know some of his teammates have claimed that he's just a "redneck from Mississippi", but through my extensive research, I've found that story is only a myth. His real home is that distant star. Did you notice that when he threw his glove up in the air after winning game 4, it never came down? That's right - he tossed it back to his family - billions of light years away.

Seriously folks, after watching him Riverdance in his underwear with googles, after throwing 98 mph fastballs, did you really think he was human?

On the other hand, after watching the parade today, I think its really obvious that Papelbon would be the lead singer of some crazy band if he wasn't playing baseball.

SWEEP

Its done. How Excellent. Mike Lowell - MVP. Perfect.

Mike Lowell

The man is so good, they named the city after him. Sure, it may be a crummy city, but its still a city. How many cities are named after you?

BTW: He needs to be re-signed

Two Hands

I was taught way back in my T-Ball days that when you're catching a popup or a ball in the outfield, you always use 2 hands! Mr. Tacoby just lost 2 points in my book for making that last catch out there with only one hand. Thanks for the free tacos, dude, but catch the ball with proper baseball form!

Update: Mr. Lugo - same goes for you too. TWO HANDS! I really don't want to see you guys drop the ball.... again.

Tacoby

I think it would have been a much better deal for Taco Bell to dish out a free Taco for every double hit by Tacoby Bellsbury. By my count, I deserve at least 4 tacos now!

October Baseball is still here!

I'm not ready for the Boston baseball season to be over yet. I wasn't ready for the season to end last Thursday, nor was I ready on Saturday or Sunday. I'm still not ready for baseball to end. I can't describe how excited I am to see more Red Sox baseball this year. For some reason, even though the Sox were down 3 games to 1, I had some strange confidence that they'd be able to come back and take the series. I was really confident they could take game 5 and pretty confident that Schilling could step up for game 6. Game 7, however, was up in the air. I figured it would be a battle - which it was. The breaks seemed to go in favor of the Sox, and Dice-K didn't have his signature bad inning. Then finally, in the 7th and 8th innings, the Sox turned the dial up to 11 and poured it on!

Bring on the Rockies!

Updates to Porter Square Station

For the past year or so I've noticed that the MBTA has been making minor improvements to the station. There's new lighting down on the platform and new lighting on the mezzanine. Plus, they've fixed up all the escalators, and they all seem to be working now. [Knocks on wood. Did I just break the first rule of Porter Square Escalators? Rule #1: Never talk about the Porter Square Escalators, lest they break.] Plus, they've finally got all the message boards at the platform working again. Hooray.

Yesterday, I noticed that they've added some nice looking signs at the street level exit that direct riders to the 77/96 bus stop and the 83 bus stop. Plus, there's a great local Porter Square map in the mezzanine that shows the bus routes and local streets.

Its nice that they've added these small touches to the station, but were they really necessary? I've always considered the Porter Square station to be in relatively good shape. I'd imagine that the money for those small renovations would have been better spent fixing up the touristy stops. But hey, I just ride the T, I'm not in charge of the capital budget.

Hmmmm..... Maybe a T rider should be in charge of the capital budget??? Nah, that would make sense.

Horrible Commercial Songs

Arrrrgh! I know this stupid song is going to be in my head all night tonight. I've been watching the Rockies try to sweep the Diamondbacks in the background for the past 30 minutes or so, and I heard this really familiar song in the background:

Viva - Viva - Las Vegas!

Unfortunately, I turned to the TV to enjoy the song. To my dismay, [or should I say horror?] it was NOT an advertisement about Las Vegas. NO! NOOOOOOO! There were about 5 old guys playing guitar in some cabin singing

Viva - Viva - Viagra!

Read that again, and sing it in your head. "Viva - Viagra!" Its going to be stuck in your head all day long. And, for the rest of your life, every time you hear the "Viva - Las Vegas" song, you're going to chuckle and think

Viva - Viva - Viagra!
Viva - Viva - Viagra!

Don't blame me. Thank your friendly folks at Pfizer.

Borowski

So, here's the thing with Cleveland's "closer", Joe Borowski.

If we get in the wayback machine and head back to 2003, we'll see that he was a mediocre closer for the Chicago Cubs. Sure, all Cubs fans loved him back in the day, yet it was excruciating to watch him pitch the 9th. Borowski would constantly give up hits, walk people, and get himself into jams. He really wasn't that good of a pitcher, yet he managed to get the job done. He was considered the "working man's" closer - nothing overpowering, yet would pitch himself out of an inning.

Now, he's on the Cleveland Indians.

Now, he pitches even worse than he did on the Cubs.

It is absolutely necessary for the Red Sox to be patient, foul off his junk, and take a walk. His earned run average was way over 4.00, and he had 5 losses to his name this season. There is no reason for the Sox to let him get another post-season save this season. If the Sox can beat Mariano Rivera, facing Joe Borowski should be like facing a little league pitcher.

And one last gripe - if anyone on the Sox should know Borowski, it should be former National Leaguers Lowell and Drew. Lowell saw him many times in the '03 regular season, and again, against the Cubs in the infamous 2003 NLCS. I'm disappointed that the Sox aren't showing enough patience with him.

Kapow

That letter C on Jason Varitek's jersey stands for Kapow. That would be, Captain Kapow.

Yankees Bullpen is Fat and Ugly

Has anyone else noticed that about 1/2 the Yankees bullpen is fat ugly dudes who can't pitch? For such a team full of high-priced glamor players, their bullpen looks like a bunch of guys that were eating steak and eggs at the roadside truck stop yesterday. Let's look a little closer:

Chris Britton
Height: 6'3"
Weight: 280
Fat AND Ugly
Comment: Last week, I think this dude was selling used cars in Somerville just across the street from the Target on Somerville Avenue. I'd venture to say the Burger King Quadruple Stacker was his daily lunch. You suck.

Brian Bruney
Height: 6'3"
Weight: 245
Fat AND Ugly
Comment: I swear, this guy was making Peanut Buster Parfaits at Dairy Queen last summer. At the end of his shift, he'd eat all the soft-serve ice cream left in the machines. You Suck.

Ron Villone
Height: 6'3"
Weight: 245
Normal, but still Fat
Birthplace: Englewood, NJ
Comment: Way, way, wayyy too much pasta and cannolis. You suck.

Mike Myers
Height: 6'3"
Weight: 225
Birthplace: Arlington Heights, IL
Funny looking, still Fat
Comment: Dude, lay off the Old Styles and Hot Dogs. Just because you enjoyed Mr. Submarine doesn't mean you can throw the submarine pitch. You suck.

Average Weight: 248.75 pounds

Now, that's a LOT of suckitude.

I think I've proven my point.

Are People THAT Stupid?

Since there's no Red Sox on tonight, and the Paw Sox are getting their ass kicked by Columbus, I figured I'd check out this "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader" show on Fox. Do we really need a game show on TV to prove just how stupid some people can be? ARGH.

The first question I saw was in the category "4th Grade Math". The Question (its a tough one):

How many perfect squares are there between the numbers 10 and 20?

The contestant had to think really hard about that one. She did answer "1", thank goodness, (16 is the only perfect square: 4x4=16), but her husband in the audience was convinced she was wrong. He told her that 12 was a perfect square too!

C'mon people! COME ON! Please don't make me throw a shoe through my TV because you don't know what a perfect square is! PLEASE!

Now I feel better.

Free Bacon

I'll have to admit, one of the reasons we all went out to Pittsburgh this past week was to visit the Harris Grill. On Tuesday nights, they serve up FREE BACON at the bar. About every 30 minutes or so, the bartender would bring out baskets of bacon and just hand them out to anyone with their hand stretched out. Besides that, they've got a great selection of beers, and great appetizers.

I must ask, why is there not a bar in Boston / Cambridge / Somerville that will serve up free bacon for a Tuesday "happy hour"? Bacon and beer seriously go hand-in-hand. My cholesterol level may be about 20 points higher now.

A few years ago we all headed out to Chicago to visit The Prodigal Son, for the same reason. Every Wednesday, they served up free bacon to patrons. Unfortunately, the bar is no more - it was lost in a fire. And yes, it was a grease fire.

So, while most people want to travel the United States to see all of the wonderful historical sites and national parks, I'm on a quest to travel the country and visit bars that serve up free bacon. Rumor has it, there's a bar in Texas that has Country Fried Bacon. Man, I'm hungry.

MLB Rule 4.12 (a)

Last week in Pittsburgh, I was able to catch 2 Cubs wins in one day -- and I didn't attend a double-header. How can that be? Well I'll gladly let you know.

On Tuesday night, in the top of the 7th inning, the Cubs scored 4 runs to take the lead over the Pirates, 6-5 (thanks to a Cliff Floyd bomb into the Allegheny River). In the bottom of the seventh, with one out, and the count at 1 ball and 2 strikes, the skies opened up and the umpires delayed the game. After 2 hours, they suspended the game - it would be resumed the following day. I had never heard of this situation before.

Apparently, there's a new MLB rule this season regarding suspended games - 4.12 (a). To paraphrase, if the visiting team scores 1 or more runs in the top half of the inning to take the lead in the game, and the game is delayed or postponed due to weather in the bottom half of the inning, the game will be suspended and resumed at the next meeting.

This was great news for Cub fans. In the past, if a game was called in the bottom half of the inning, the score would resort to the score at the end of the previous inning, and the game would be called. So, if this game had happened last year, the Cubs would have lost the game. With the new rule, they resumed the game the next day, at the exact point it was suspended!

My buddies and I had tickets to the Wednesday game, so we got to see the final 2 1/2 innings of the previous game, plus the full scheduled game, all for the low low PNC Park price of $26.00. Oh yeah, the seats were 2 rows from the field too. And even better, the Cubs won BOTH games. Maybe I was too hard on them in my earlier post. Ever since I ranted and decided to put my faith in the Red Sox, the Cubs have gone 8-3, have a 5 game winning streak, and are back up to 2nd place in the NL Central. Although, I'm still not convinced it will last. I hope I'm proven wrong.