State of the Bachelor

I've been doing this blogging thing for about a year now. So, I figured I'd give my first annual state of the bachelor run down. Why not spill my guts to all those random people who stumble upon this site and don't care what I have to say! :-)

- Why did you start this blog?
That's a great question. I started it on a whim one night. I was sitting at home, watching TV, and I just felt like chatting with someone. I also wanted a random place to store my thoughts. Maybe it would be interesting to look back and see what I was thinking a year ago.

I'm not a writer whatsoever. In fact, in college, I avoided at all costs any class that required writing papers. My skill set does not include the ability to seamlessly transform my thoughts into coherent words. That's why I write software. I think in logical blocks - and constantly run all the different scenarios through my head at the same time. Its too bad I can't speak in Java, or C++, or Javascript for that matter.

Of course though, being a guy and a bachelor - you all know the real reason I started this blog: Girls. For some strange reason I thought that if I had a blog on the Internet I'd be able to somehow meet more chicks.

- So how's that working out for ya, buddy?
Heh (tm). Well, its a year later and I'm still a single bachelor guy living over here in Porter Square near Boston.

Dude, what about this whole "State of the Bachelor" thing?
Yo - chill out. I'm getting to that. Be patient.

Fine. Here's some state of the bachelor for ya:
Apartment

• Leaky Roof: CHECK
• Broken Thermostat: CHECK
• Dirty Dishes: CHECK
• Empty Beer Boxes Leftover from the Superbowl: CHECK
• Beer in the Fridge: CHECK
• Sleeping Cat: CHECK
• Huge HD TV: CHECK
• Hot Pockets: CHECK
• Toilet Paper: RUNNING LOW
  

Me

• Optimistic: CHECK
• Eating Better: CHECK
• Gym: CHECK (5 days a week)
• Smile: CHECK-O-RAMA
• Beer: CHECK
• Weight: 174
• Height: 6' 1"
• Hair: Got it all - no gray.
  
• Complaint: The last day of complaint was yesterday!
• Mrs. Right: STILL LOOKING

Summary
Overall, I'm happy!

• I love my career
• I love my friends
• I love my apartment

- Yeah dude, I gathered that, but what's missing?
You're right - life is good but I'm still missing someone to share it with. I'm still searching for Mrs. Right.

I'm not complaining about it - that's purely a waste of time. I'm actively searching for a great woman. I've been doing the dating thing for a while here - and I've met plenty of wonderful girls. But, I just haven't found that "click" that I'm looking for. I've already been down the road through engagement, without success. As a result, I don't want to make the same mistake again.

There's just a certain attraction that's there between a girl and a guy - I'm being patient and waiting for that connection. There's no reason to just dive into a relationship with a girl just to have one.

Well, I think I'm just about done with my State of the Bachelor. I'm curious to see what the state will be in another year (Or, do I have to wait 4 more years since its February 29th today?). Also, I'm just getting tired of writing! I'm not getting graded on this paper, nor am I getting paid. Nor will anyone actually read it! :-)

Happy Leap Day to you all. Best of luck to everyone!

Time for a beer!

Baseball is Back!

Hooray! The Red Sox are back on television tonight. Its the first real pre-season game of the year. (Yeah, I know the Sox blasted BC and Northeastern - but they don't count) So far, the Sox are leading the Twins 3-0 in the 5th.

Err - make that 4-0 in the 5th. :-)

So, wasn't it only about 4 weeks ago we were watching football? Think about that - its still February, and baseball is starting to get back into full swing.

Ahhhh. Baseball. I feel much better now.

Bathroom Etiquette

Question 1: There are 3 pissers on the wall in the bathroom. All three are empty. Which one do you pick?

Answer: Either #1 or #3. Its simple. Man-law dictates that you always leave any empty pisser between you and the next guy. So, if another guy were to enter the bathroom desiring to drain the weasel, he can pick a different pisser and the one urinal buffer remains intact.

Question 2: If all 3 pissers on the wall are empty, Who the heck would pick #2?

Answer: I really have no idea. Today, there were 2 guys in my office who walked into an empty bathroom and picked the middle pisser. My question is why? Do we need a man-law re-education program?

I really can't come up with any answer to this - only more questions. Did they pick the middle with the hopes that they could own the entire bank of pissers? Did they feel entitled to the entire wall of pissers? Did they not know MAN-LAW?!?

I just don't understand.

Bonus Question: If there are 4 pissers and 2 are taken (with buffers intact), what do you do?


Answer: Use the stall. However, if you're at a Sox or Pats game, and you've got a good 12 pack of Miller Lites in the system, the rules do not apply.

* All artwork created by me, with the all-powerful Microsoft Paint!

Attack of the MBTA Station Announcements

The new announcements on the Red Line indicating the arrival of the next train are great! First, they told me when the next Red Line train was arriving. Then, they told me when the next Red Line train was approaching AND arriving. Today, however, getting off the subway at Porter Square around 7:45pm the Robo-Announcer went nuts and attacked me with an onslaught of messages.

After exiting the train and walking to the stairs, Mr. Robo-Announcer told me:

Bing! We are currently experiencing delays due to a police investigation.

Well thanks, but I'm already at Porter Square. Then, walking up the stairs to the inbound level:

Bing! The next Red Line train to Braintree is now arriving.

Ok. Fair Enough. But then riding up the long escalator to the mezzanine I heard:

Bing! Hello. This is Andrew Ference of the Boston Bruins. When I need to get on the ice at the TD Banknorth Garden, I take the T. The MBTA is a great way to see all this wonderful city has to offer. Blah blah blah...

What?!?! As I tried to comprehend this I was interrupted:

Bing! Hello. This is Dan Grabouskas. Blah blah blah...

And now, I'm stuck on the escalator, and the onslaught begins:

Bing! Se habla espanol. Uno, dos, tres, .....

Sorry, I don't speak Span.....

Bing! The next Red Line train to Braintree is now arriving.

Well, that's nice....

Bing! Hello. This is Andrew Ference of the Boston Bruins....

Ok, who is this player again?

Bing! The next Red Line train to Alewife is now approaching.

Bing! Hello. This is Dan Grabouskas....

Bing! Yo Quiero Taco Bell...

Finally, I arrived at the mezzanine and I boarded the final escalator:

Bing! Hello. This is Andrew Ference of the Boston Bruins....

Please. Get me out of the station!!

Bing! The next Red Line train to Alewife is now arriving...

Whew! Finally out of the station. Talk about announcement overload! I think the most interesting part of this experience is that I'm not even sure my Porter Square co-commuters even heard the onslaught. While riding the 30 mile escalator to sunlight, I looked around at other folks, with a big smile -- I was trying to find someone else who thought this was funny. The trouble is, either everyone had their headphones cranked, wasn't paying attention to the announcements, or was just too afraid to look around.

Did anyone else experience this episode of the Twilight Zone at Porter Square?

Papelbon's Home Uncovered

After months of scouring the Intertubes and the night sky, I've finally discovered Jonathan Papelbon's homeland. I've highlighted it here in this map of the universe.

I know some of his teammates have claimed that he's just a "redneck from Mississippi", but through my extensive research, I've found that story is only a myth. His real home is that distant star. Did you notice that when he threw his glove up in the air after winning game 4, it never came down? That's right - he tossed it back to his family - billions of light years away.

Seriously folks, after watching him Riverdance in his underwear with googles, after throwing 98 mph fastballs, did you really think he was human?

On the other hand, after watching the parade today, I think its really obvious that Papelbon would be the lead singer of some crazy band if he wasn't playing baseball.

SWEEP

Its done. How Excellent. Mike Lowell - MVP. Perfect.

Mike Lowell

The man is so good, they named the city after him. Sure, it may be a crummy city, but its still a city. How many cities are named after you?

BTW: He needs to be re-signed

Two Hands

I was taught way back in my T-Ball days that when you're catching a popup or a ball in the outfield, you always use 2 hands! Mr. Tacoby just lost 2 points in my book for making that last catch out there with only one hand. Thanks for the free tacos, dude, but catch the ball with proper baseball form!

Update: Mr. Lugo - same goes for you too. TWO HANDS! I really don't want to see you guys drop the ball.... again.

Tacoby

I think it would have been a much better deal for Taco Bell to dish out a free Taco for every double hit by Tacoby Bellsbury. By my count, I deserve at least 4 tacos now!

October Baseball is still here!

I'm not ready for the Boston baseball season to be over yet. I wasn't ready for the season to end last Thursday, nor was I ready on Saturday or Sunday. I'm still not ready for baseball to end. I can't describe how excited I am to see more Red Sox baseball this year. For some reason, even though the Sox were down 3 games to 1, I had some strange confidence that they'd be able to come back and take the series. I was really confident they could take game 5 and pretty confident that Schilling could step up for game 6. Game 7, however, was up in the air. I figured it would be a battle - which it was. The breaks seemed to go in favor of the Sox, and Dice-K didn't have his signature bad inning. Then finally, in the 7th and 8th innings, the Sox turned the dial up to 11 and poured it on!

Bring on the Rockies!

Updates to Porter Square Station

For the past year or so I've noticed that the MBTA has been making minor improvements to the station. There's new lighting down on the platform and new lighting on the mezzanine. Plus, they've fixed up all the escalators, and they all seem to be working now. [Knocks on wood. Did I just break the first rule of Porter Square Escalators? Rule #1: Never talk about the Porter Square Escalators, lest they break.] Plus, they've finally got all the message boards at the platform working again. Hooray.

Yesterday, I noticed that they've added some nice looking signs at the street level exit that direct riders to the 77/96 bus stop and the 83 bus stop. Plus, there's a great local Porter Square map in the mezzanine that shows the bus routes and local streets.

Its nice that they've added these small touches to the station, but were they really necessary? I've always considered the Porter Square station to be in relatively good shape. I'd imagine that the money for those small renovations would have been better spent fixing up the touristy stops. But hey, I just ride the T, I'm not in charge of the capital budget.

Hmmmm..... Maybe a T rider should be in charge of the capital budget??? Nah, that would make sense.

Horrible Commercial Songs

Arrrrgh! I know this stupid song is going to be in my head all night tonight. I've been watching the Rockies try to sweep the Diamondbacks in the background for the past 30 minutes or so, and I heard this really familiar song in the background:

Viva - Viva - Las Vegas!

Unfortunately, I turned to the TV to enjoy the song. To my dismay, [or should I say horror?] it was NOT an advertisement about Las Vegas. NO! NOOOOOOO! There were about 5 old guys playing guitar in some cabin singing

Viva - Viva - Viagra!

Read that again, and sing it in your head. "Viva - Viagra!" Its going to be stuck in your head all day long. And, for the rest of your life, every time you hear the "Viva - Las Vegas" song, you're going to chuckle and think

Viva - Viva - Viagra!
Viva - Viva - Viagra!

Don't blame me. Thank your friendly folks at Pfizer.

Borowski

So, here's the thing with Cleveland's "closer", Joe Borowski.

If we get in the wayback machine and head back to 2003, we'll see that he was a mediocre closer for the Chicago Cubs. Sure, all Cubs fans loved him back in the day, yet it was excruciating to watch him pitch the 9th. Borowski would constantly give up hits, walk people, and get himself into jams. He really wasn't that good of a pitcher, yet he managed to get the job done. He was considered the "working man's" closer - nothing overpowering, yet would pitch himself out of an inning.

Now, he's on the Cleveland Indians.

Now, he pitches even worse than he did on the Cubs.

It is absolutely necessary for the Red Sox to be patient, foul off his junk, and take a walk. His earned run average was way over 4.00, and he had 5 losses to his name this season. There is no reason for the Sox to let him get another post-season save this season. If the Sox can beat Mariano Rivera, facing Joe Borowski should be like facing a little league pitcher.

And one last gripe - if anyone on the Sox should know Borowski, it should be former National Leaguers Lowell and Drew. Lowell saw him many times in the '03 regular season, and again, against the Cubs in the infamous 2003 NLCS. I'm disappointed that the Sox aren't showing enough patience with him.

Kapow

That letter C on Jason Varitek's jersey stands for Kapow. That would be, Captain Kapow.

Yankees Bullpen is Fat and Ugly

Has anyone else noticed that about 1/2 the Yankees bullpen is fat ugly dudes who can't pitch? For such a team full of high-priced glamor players, their bullpen looks like a bunch of guys that were eating steak and eggs at the roadside truck stop yesterday. Let's look a little closer:

Chris Britton
Height: 6'3"
Weight: 280
Fat AND Ugly
Comment: Last week, I think this dude was selling used cars in Somerville just across the street from the Target on Somerville Avenue. I'd venture to say the Burger King Quadruple Stacker was his daily lunch. You suck.

Brian Bruney
Height: 6'3"
Weight: 245
Fat AND Ugly
Comment: I swear, this guy was making Peanut Buster Parfaits at Dairy Queen last summer. At the end of his shift, he'd eat all the soft-serve ice cream left in the machines. You Suck.

Ron Villone
Height: 6'3"
Weight: 245
Normal, but still Fat
Birthplace: Englewood, NJ
Comment: Way, way, wayyy too much pasta and cannolis. You suck.

Mike Myers
Height: 6'3"
Weight: 225
Birthplace: Arlington Heights, IL
Funny looking, still Fat
Comment: Dude, lay off the Old Styles and Hot Dogs. Just because you enjoyed Mr. Submarine doesn't mean you can throw the submarine pitch. You suck.

Average Weight: 248.75 pounds

Now, that's a LOT of suckitude.

I think I've proven my point.